How to start a sex blog

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Ever wanted to start your own sex blog? I don’t blame you – it’s really fun. Every now and then people email me and ask how to start one, so in lieu of a guest blog this week (I’m behind on guest blog editing, really sorry – if you’ve sent me one bear with me and I’ll get back to you asap!) I thought I’d put my top tips for starting a sex blog in one handy place. So without further ado, here are some frequently asked questions about starting a sex blog, along with my answers and advice.

If you have any more questions, stick ’em in the comments and I’ll try and add to this when new things come up.

UPDATE 2018: The absolute best way to learn about sex blogging is to come and hang out with sex bloggers. We’re a shy bunch, though, so it’s hard. But the one guaranteed way to meet us and suck all the wisdom out of our pervy brains is to come along to Eroticon – a 2-day event held in Camden on March 17th/18th 2018. This was the conference that helped take me from hobbyist sex blogger to full-time peddler of filth. Meanwhile, below are my top tips on starting a sex blog.

How many posts should I start with?

This is totally up to you, but I’d say begin with at least three posts (ideally five or more) when you go live. This is for a couple of reasons, but the primary reason being you don’t want to launch your blog with one post that says ‘hey I might write some stuff here’ – have a few, showing the range of stuff you want to talk about. That way people get a feel for your blog. If your first post is about pegging you’ll gather an immediate following of pegging enthusiasts, who might be disappointed if this is the only time you write about it, so show a range of some kind. You can see the first posts I ever wrote here, which leads me neatly on to point 2…

Don’t expect to be awesome

I’m not awesome, and I have never really thought I am. But what I do know is that I’m a better blogger now than I was when I first started in 2011. Never perfect, often haphazard and incompetent, but I have more of a feel for what people want to hear and what I actually want to say.

How do I do domains, hosting, all the techy stuff?

This is not my forte, to be honest – I tend to just muddle through. You need a few things:

• domain name (this is the address i.e. sexblog.com or what have you). The main thing to consider here is anonymity (if that matters to you). If you want to be anonymous, you need a .com domain, not a .co.uk – that way you can also buy domain protection so people can’t do a WhoIs lookup and then turn up at your house in their pants. If you’re super-careful, you can get someone you trust to register the domain for you to their address. Make sure they’re not a douchebag, though, or the sort of person who’ll switch it to point at cat pictures for a laugh, thus killing your blog traffic.
• hosting (this is the place where your blog will ‘live’ – like on a server or something or in the cloud I don’t know I’m not a fucking genius). I know nothing about this, but it’s relatively easy to set up – you can often buy your domain and hosting from the same place. BEWARE hosting companies who are massive arseholes, and have terms that prohibit adult content. I had one of these and one day they just ditched my entire blog and I had to cry and panic a bit before I could make it exist again, but on a different server.
• a platform. This might be wordpress, like my blog, or something else. I’d advise you focus more on what it does than what it looks like, but I am shit at visual stuff, so what do I know?

For more info on this, you should check out this great step-by-step guide that Molly produced a while back. It’s great, and will guide you through some of the steps to setting up a sex blog.

Here’s a piece of more personal advice: if you’re not very techy then bear this in mind when you set up your site. There are some bloody lovely people who will help you and give you tips etc when you’re setting it up, but remember that if you ask for something really complicated (or have a site set-up that requires more understanding of code than you’re comfortable with) then know that if something breaks you won’t be able to be your own tech support. I have help with my site, and it’s fantastic, but it’s also frustrating sometimes because I just want to change this TINY little thing, and I have to wait for the person who helps me to become available and it turns out he’s not omnipotent, which is a bummer.

How do I promote my sex blog?

This is less a ‘how long’s a piece of string?’ question than a ‘what the hell do I do with all this string and oh my God now I’m tangled in string and I can’t escape’ question. There are a million and one different ways to promote your sex blog, of which here are a tiny few:

• Get on social networks (see below for more on this). And go be funny. And sexy. And whatever else you want to be. But don’t just go ‘oh look here’s a link’ because people will think you’re boring. Also, because social networks are supposed to be FUN, not just places where everyone goes to shout their names into the ether. You wouldn’t go to a networking event and just shout ‘HI I’M BOB SMITH AND I AM LOOKING FOR CONSULTANCY WORK’ would you? No: you’d eat the free croissants and bitch about crappy powerpoint and THEN say you’re looking for work. Way better.
• Promote your posts more than once. There’s fierce debate amongst social media ninjas about how often you should promote any individual post. Once? Twice? Ten times? The answer is: as often as you think you need to without fucking everyone off. I generally post each link on Twitter twice, at different times of the day, and on Facebook once. But that’s not the whole story because I also use Facebook and Twitter to promote older posts. A blog post doesn’t disappear just because it’s a year old, and remember that much of your audience (if you’re building it) won’t have seen your earliest stuff. Feel free to chuck the links out there again months or even years later.
• Guest blog for other people. Pick a bunch of bloggers who write about similar things to you, and offer to write guest blogs for them. Most of them will say ‘hell yes’ and – if they’re big bloggers, some of them will pay you (I will pay you, please pitch me). More importantly, when you write a guest blog, make sure that you’ve got some great content ready when your guest blog goes live, so people arrive at your site and go ‘wow!’ If you get a guest blog published and suddenly hundreds of people descend on your site, you don’t want them to be confronted by a ‘sorry I’m taking a blogging break this week!’ post. If you care a shitload about traffic, pick your guest blogs carefully. You don’t want to spend two hours writing something that only gets you a few visits. How many visits can you expect? Depends on the audience that blogger has, and how popular your post is. Most people who guest blog for me will get 2-300 clickthroughs from their post within the first couple of days, and if their post is popular with search they’ll keep getting clicks indefinitely.
• Get linked from other, bigger publications. This might include pitching them articles (and if you want to find out more about this, come to Eroticon and listen to my as-yet-unwritten talk). If you don’t want to pitch articles, then follow lots of journalists/people who talk about sex, and watch out for when they request quotes. Give them a quote/opinion (and make it interesting/unique) and ask them to link to your blog when they quote you.
• Get on people’s blog rolls. I have no idea how to do this, but I can tell you that it makes a huge difference if you’re recommended by popular sites. The biggest site that lists me on their blog roll sends me over 1,000 visits per month, but I have never asked them to put me on there, they’re just nice. If you add people to yours, you can always email saying ‘hey! I added you to my blog roll!’ and that might prompt them to check out your blog. But I’d advise against directly asking for it, because it can seem a bit pushy. I get overly stressed about seeming impolite, though, so I might be overthinking it.
• Comment on other people’s blogs/join in with blogging memes. Again, I’m shit at this but it works well for other people, and it’s a great way to meet new bloggers. If you want to join in with a blogging meme or two, check out Sinful Sunday, eLust, Wicked Wednesday… there are loads more but I can’t remember off the top of my head – it’s been a busy day and it’s nearly gin o’clock.
• Measure EVERYTHING YOU CAN. This means getting Google Analytics on your site (other analytics programmes ARE available but they’re not very good. But Google is evil. But it’s better. But it’s up to you). You can also get stats from Facebook and Twitter about what gets shared most and clicked most and all that bollocks. Don’t just keep rewriting about the most shared topics, but do be aware of how you’re framing/promoting your stuff so you give it the best chance of getting read when it’s out there.
• Give people a way to subscribe. FUN FACT: UK Data protection law means you’re required to include an address at the bottom of any email newsletter you send, so that if you spam people they can turn up at your house and shove flaming bags of dog turd through your letterbox. If you don’t want to publish your address (and you don’t have an alternative ‘business’ address you can use) then you’re best off using a feedburner type thing that auto-pings people when you do a new post. It’s not ideal, in my opinion – having an ACTUAL newsletter that you write yourself, which you can curate, is massively valuable and if I were able to do it I would, in a heartbeat. But the address thing fucks me over. If you’ve a solution to this any advice would be welcome.
• Check out your keywords. Search is the fucking daddy of most of my web traffic. Since January this year, 62% of my traffic has come from search. This isn’t because I look at Google Keyword planner and go ‘oh I should pretend to have something to say about double penetration’, because that would be lame and people would get to my blog and go ‘well this is some bullshit’ and leave immediately. But if you’re writing about double penetration, you can bet your fully-penetrated ass that Google Keyword planner will have something to tell you that’ll help you frame it. For instance, if you wanted to write about porn which is targeted at a female audience, what would you call it? Feminist porn? Porn for women? Female-friendly porn? I’ve looked this up on Google Keyword planner and I can tell you that one’s FAR more searchable than the others. Obviously don’t be a dick with this stuff, though: if people were searching for ‘kitten-stamping is ace’ you wouldn’t use that phrase in your blog posts, so watch out for super-pornified phrases that are often problematic in other ways. You should also check out this great SEO for sex bloggers series by blogger Aceinthehole – handy bitesized tips and useful info on search engine optimisation.

Promotion – whether it’s social media, search, or anything else – is an absolutely fucking MASSIVE beast, and if I gave you all my tips and advice here then you’d never get round to doing all the important things, like writing your own awesome posts. But I’d strongly advise you to go and read (and keep perusing) SEO blogs like Moz and useful webby stuff that has fuck-all to do with fucking: while some things will exclude you because you’ve got adult content (damn you, Google AdWords) most SEO tips are useful for everyone.

And, on a tediously practical note: digital marketing (because that’s basically what you’re doing when you promote a blog) is an actual job that people have. Like, they do it for a living and it takes a fair bit of time to get really awesome at it. You can spend as much or as little time on it as you like, but don’t expect to be a super-ninja and have a million billion hits in your first year, and don’t give up if some of this stuff doesn’t work out for you straight away. If it did, then a hell of a lot of people (me included, probably) would be fired.

How do you stay anonymous?

With a lot of patient, discreet friends, a big dollop of paranoia, and a fair bit of pissing about.

If you want to stay anonymous, the first thing to note is you’ll never truly guarantee it. No matter how hard you try and hide your real identity, mistakes will always happen and there’s always the chance you might get outed. This keeps me awake at night and sometimes – after a particularly terrifying email or something – it makes me sweat with fear. I’m not saying this to put you off – anonymous or not, the world always has room for more sexy writers – I’m just saying it so you know.

• If you want to be anonymous the main thing to remember is never to cross the streams. Setting up a facebook page? Don’t do it from your normal facebook account – set up a separate facebook profile (Jane Doe or something) and then use that to administer your page. Facebook WILL recommend friends to you based on email addresses, so obviously have a sex blogger email too. If you want to also protect the anonymity of people who contact you (because so many people don’t realise that although their email might be genericdude61 [at] gmail, if they use the same for facebook you’ll be able to put a name to the dick pic) then do what I do and register a separate email that you use only for facebook. Also check out the advice at the bottom from Molly, who’s had bad experiences with facebook before.
• Resist any urge to ‘friend’ your real friends on facebook, or follow your real friends on Twitter. Keep everything separate. Twitter for mobile is a pushy twat that will repeatedly ask you if you want to tag your tweets with location, or import friends from your contacts. Beware accidentally clicking the ‘yes’ button. To be super-tight on this, have two phones if you can. I’m not joking.
• To be even closer to watertight on this, check out Belle de Jour’s excellent anonymity tips. I don’t do all of this, but I do have two laptops, two Google accounts (Chrome will try to ‘add’ another profile to your main account, and I have no idea how this works with contacts so to be safe I use Firefox for one life and Chrome for the other).
• Avoid giving people info that they could use to fuck you over. If you’re meeting people and they know your blog name, do they really 100% need to know your real name? Some people will nag you and say ‘but is that your REAL name, though?’ to which my answer is always ‘if you shout it in a crowded pub I’ll turn around – how much realer do you need?’ I’d also, if I were you, be wary of meeting people just for the fun of it. It’s lovely to see people in person, but bear in mind that in doing so you’re handing them an extraordinary level of power: they could take photos of you, they could tell people your real name, any of this stuff. Make sure if you do this it’s someone you really trust.
• As an aside, if you’ve got a really ill-thought-out blog name like ‘Girl on the net’, be aware that hardly ANYONE will be happy just calling you ‘girl’ – if you want to have interactions with journalists, sex toy companies, and most other people, they’ll be more comfortable if they can call you something that sounds like an actual name. Pick one, pick seven, pick twelve – as long as they can say ‘Hi [Thing that sounds like real name]’ they’re less likely to probe further. I have a few different pseudonyms that I use, one of which I’m now so comfortable with I prefer it to my actual name, and I rarely ever go by my actual name any more, unless I’m with close family/mates.

How much traffic should I be getting?

Piece of string territory again, but to give you a rough guide, here’s some sample traffic data from my first year (bear in mind I’d about 600 Twitter followers so I wasn’t starting from total scratch). Measured in unique users per month, via Google Analytics.

• Month 1 (Sept-Oct 2011): 3,142
• Month 3: 3,429
• Month 6: 4,111
• Month 9: 9,662
• Month 12: 11,028

I have absolutely no idea if this is typical, but if you’re another sex blogger and you’re willing to share your blog traffic data, I would fucking LOVE to be able to put together some more info on this, so other bloggers can get an idea of what to expect and also because I love stats and graphs and all that jazz. Please please please get in touch if you’re happy to share your data.

Other ace sex blog resources

Despite the waffly rant above, my most important advice is to never take my word as gospel. Your best bet is to get info from as many places as possible, and here are some great places to start:

• Eroticon, as mentioned above, is a brilliant way to get advice and guidance direct from other sex writers. I’m biased, because I help to run it. But it’s held in Camden on 4th/5th March 2017, and it’s the event that helped me launch my career as a full-time sex writer. If you buy a ticket I’ll give you a free high five when you get there.

• Epiphora and JoEllen Notte are running an online course in how to be a sex blogger. Again, not paid to promote it or anything, just thought I’d add it in because it’s run by two incredible bloggers and they’re bound to have some great advice. Use GOTN10 for $10 off the course fee.

• Rori (BetweenMySheets.com) is a total superstar, and has loads of advice for sex bloggers. She’s stopped blogging now, which is very sad, but her site is still live and has a tonne of helpful info about starting a sex blog, including a free ebook on how to set up your own.
• While we’re on the subject of money, Cara (carasutra.co.uk) is also a superstar, and she’s written a whole course on how to get into copywriting in the adult industry.
• You should also check out MollysDailyKiss, just in general to be honest because Molly is fantastic at championing other sex bloggers and welcoming them to our community. She also wrote about initial blog set up, as I mentioned above, and she has a cautionary tale about remaining anonymous on facebook, which is really useful when you’re thinking about how you want to set up your own stuff.

There are more – there are always more. But every time I want to recommend people I end up shying away from it for fear I’ll miss people off the list and they’ll be angry. So I’m just going to stick this up here and say that if you’ve got some great advice and you’d like me to add you, let me know and I will.

Want to start a sex blog? Write something now

I promise I’ll sod off soon, because it’s 5 o’clock on a Friday and I’m not in the pub yet, and if I don’t get there by 6 then it will really screw with the natural order of things. But before I go here’s a final piece of advice:

Write something now. Well, soon at least – while this is fresh in your mind and you’re interested and keen. It’s more than possible that some of the stuff above has put you off and the whole thing sounds like too much work, so write something quickly. Even if you haven’t got the blog yet, you can start creating posts, drafting ideas, and putting down all the thoughts that scratch around in your head screaming WRITE ME I PROMISE I’M GOOD JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE.

I can give you sex blog tips, but no amount of advice from a twat like me will compete with those ideas, thoughts, and words that are genuinely unique and worth reading. And nothing in terms of set up is more important than the actual words you write.

Go. Write words. Have fun. And good luck.

10 Reasons Why Dating Sucks For All Single People

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1. The first date. Who on earth actually enjoys a first date? They are the worst. You have to make conversation with a person who you may have nothing in common with and if you realize that there is nothing to talk about within five minutes, you still have to stay for at least an hour to be polite. Not to mention, no one knows how to eat on a first date. Usually the girls order a salad. And I mean come on. Did we want the salad? No. We probably wanted the pesto chicken Panini, but knew damn well it would just mess up our makeup and probably ruin the chances of a second date we might not even want.

2. Speaking of food, food costs money. And let’s be honest, typically in the beginning of the dating period, it’s assumed that the guy will pay. But we are never 100% on that. And is it wrong to just assume? Probably. So because of this, we don’t want to get anything too expensive, but we don’t want to get the cheapest item on the menu either. So what’s a food item that I can look cute eating, that’s not too expensive or too cheap, and will also keep my makeup intact? I don’t know, I guess I’ll just order a chicken Caesar salad.

3. How do you even meet people nowadays? No one expects to find someone out and about anymore. Everyone relies on the Internet. Even if it’s your friend trying to introduce you to her boyfriend’s best friend; I guarantee before you even agree to going on a date with this guy, you will thoroughly stalk his Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. And with these social media pages, we nit pick at everything. “I think he takes too many selfies”, “Why is that his profile picture?”, “He tweets more than I do.” This makes us even pickier.

4. The problem with dating sites is simple. Not everyone in the world is on them! So, it makes me wonder. What types of people actually sign up for these sites? I’m sure a lot of them are girls just trying something new to meet people, which is great. Now let’s think about what types of guys on there. There are probably going to be a lot of creeps. What teeny tiny percentage of these guys are a decent, dark and handsome, over-six-feet, actually funny, kind-to-my-parents, loves-cats kind of guy? I’m not even sure if that kind of guy would sign up for this site. He’s probably out there, feeding some other Persian Blogger’s cat.

5. Also, because of all this technology, we forget how to even talk to people in person. Tell me this. If you’re in an awkward social situation with nobody you know, what are you most likely to do? A: Make conversation with a stranger, or B: Scroll through Instagram and pretend to be preoccupied. Most of the time, it’s B. We’re most comfortable behind a screen and that is not a healthy social life.

6. Is it even considered dating anymore? Okay. So here’s the one advantage you have when you’re online dating. You know for a fact that it’s a date. Everyone just hangs out nowadays. What do you mean by hang out? Are you expecting more, meanwhile I’m thinking it’s two friends getting coffee? Is this going to be an incredibly awkward situation? Do we both consider this a date? I’m a girl and I’ve most likely over thought every single possibility, several times.

7. Until you meet a decent person to be with, you have to go through a ton of jerks. There are so many of them. The ‘mean guy’, who makes you feel bad about yourself most of the time, yet you stay with him because on the rare occasion, he does make you feel sort of special; The ‘flake’, who always blows you off but keeps you dangling just close enough so you come back for more; The ‘player’ who flirts with absolutely everyone; and so many more. And it’s not like these guys are wearing signs that warn you ahead of time. You have to look for the red flags. And don’t settle. Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and makes you happy. Actually happy.

8. It’s easy to come off the wrong way when you’re dating, because you’re just getting to know the person and sometimes you say the wrong things. You may be nervous or just having a bad day, which may make you seem a little standoffish. And on an ordinary day with people who know you already, this is fine. But on a date, they will assume that’s just how you are. They don’t know your quirks and if you say one thing, they may take it different way. There’s a lot of stepping on eggshells.

9. Then there’s the games. You know, waiting a few days on purpose before texting to follow up, playing a little hard to get, if they wait an hour to respond to you, then you wait an hour to respond back to them, and of course the whole ‘trying not to look too eager if you actually like them’ thing. That whole sha-bang.

10. Lastly, if you went on a date or two and have decided that this person is just not for you, how do you handle it? Are you going to be honest with them? Just ignore every text and call? Do you keep taking rain checks that you have no intention following through with? Or are you so bad at this that you end up just seeing them over and over again just to be nice? I’m sure everyone has a different method. Basically what I am getting at, is dating is hard and until you meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, it’s going to suck.

Sneaky Dating Tricks

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I’m blessed to have a few close female friends in my life who have AMAZING guy game. Seriously, a few of these girls should teach classes. So there are a few sneaky little tricks I see them doing, again and again, tricks which have certainly gotten the best of me in the past, for which you just have to watch out the with beautiful ones…

The highly desirable girls who have lots of options tend to manage their male relationships as such:

• There could be one guy gets 50-80% of their mental and emotional energy. He could be an exciting new beau, a serious boyfriend, or an ex who she can’t let go of.
• She has a few guy friends who get 20-50% of her mental and emotional energy.
• If she’s single, she has a few orbiters and prospects who get 20-50% of her mental energy. She keeps them around for dinner, sex or simply to keep her from getting bored when she feels lonely or wants a text buddy.

We look at this list, and maybe its a little unfair because clearly it is a full social schedule, and most guys can’t have it. Their lives aren’t built for it and they lack either the resources or the skills to maintain it. But whatever… attractive women can have it, so why not?

Keeping a man in orbit means keeping his hopes alive that something will develop between the two of them – maybe sex, maybe a relationship. In other words, it means managing a man’s feelings so that he will jump when she tells him to. To her, it usually feels like fun and games. To him, the feelings can be anywhere on the spectrum, from “mildly interested” to crush to obsession.  And his feelings usually depend on how emotionally mature he is, how many options he has, and how much experience he has in dealing with women.

There are two or three things that women do if they want to keep a man in orbit, and to engender feelings that create crushes and obsessions. We’ll get to those momentarily. But let’s stop for a moment and think about how his feelings for her develop. And before we go any further, and before I begin to sound too much like a curmudgeonly, jaded misanthrope, I should say that I absolutely believe in love, romance, and holding hands. Just, you know, with the right girl.

So back to crushes, obsessions, and the pain of a tortured romance: a man builds up a story in his own mind that isn’t matched by reality. He tells himself how perfect he and a girl could be together, but he doesn’t really know her yet. He tells himself how they have so much in common, but he’s overlooked all of their differences. He finds a million reasons why it “makes sense” for them to be together, but they’re all reasons that have little or no significance to her.

A few weekends ago, I was sitting next to a young guy in a bar. He pointed over to a girl nearby, who was clearly into some other guy who was flirting with her. My new acquaintance told me how this girl – a friend he’d come into town to visit that weekend – was his soulmate. Shortly after he told me this, she started kissing the other guy in plain view. “Oh, she’s not really serious about him,” my new friend told me, sad but resolute. So oblivious to reality was he that the story he’d created in his head was stronger than the situation unraveling right in front of him.

Some men develop feelings and obsessions based on, well, little to nothing. They think the girl is hot, or they just like the idea of being with her. So that happens, for sure. But women are smart, and sometimes they do things to create and stoke those feelings. As one of my girl friends put it, “I want a guy to feel like he might have a chance with me, even if I know that he probably doesn’t, because I might change my mind later.” So without further ado, here are three tricks of the trade that, whether she’s doing them consciously or unconsciously, will get ya if you don’t see them coming.

The Neediness Card: You’ll hear all sorts of stories – about how she’s been hurt, about how lonely she is, about her unfulfilled sex life, about something she wants to do with which you can help…and they’re all meant to trigger that desire in a man to provide for and take care of a woman. Some women do it subtly, others are more direct: I know (but am not friends with) a girl who told a guy with whom she was living that her mom had died and that she needed to go to the funeral. She went to see her other boyfriend instead. 99% of girls aren’t this crazy, but the neediness card accounts for a lot of second-guessing that we as men do. “Maybe I should call her again, maybe if she sees that I really like her she’ll feel comfortable turning to me.”

Making Future Plans: When she spends time with a guy, she talks about all the things she’d like to do with him. Girls with good game like to suggest a lot of plans quickly, from jogging dates to how quickly they want to see him again to cultural experiences they would enjoy together. And girls with really good game will make those plans match up to interests and hobbies of the guy’s. As a man, its hard not to fall for it. “Wow, this girl LIKES me! And I didn’t even have to work too hard for it.” It can come subtly, as in “Yeah, there’s this play I’ve been wanting to check out,” or it can be more direct, like “So would you want to go see this play next week?” And hey, sometimes its genuine. But other times it is very calculated. You don’t know until you start to get a better picture of the girl.

The Apologetic Flake: I have seen this play out several times, and I have a good friend who is just masterful at this and who brought it into sharp focus. She’s an attractive girl and she works on a trading desk, so she’s legitimately busy and has painfully early mornings. From time to time, she just doesn’t feel like going on the date she has scheduled. The guy isn’t that interesting to her, or another social event popped up, whatever… So she’ll flake at the last minute, but she’ll offer her profuse apologies.  Sometimes these are interlaced with statements meant to inspire sympathy (“I slept like 2 hours last night, I’m barely functioning, I hate my job”), but in almost all cases, she attempts to lock the guy into rescheduling right there on the phone by telling him how excited she is to see him and how “seriously,” she can’t wait to hang out because they’re going to have such a good time.

Are there other tricks?  Probably.  And look –  you just never know about a person until you really, really know them. I’ve had relationships which started out drama-free and became full of it within a few weeks, and other relationships which started turbulently but settled into something that flowed very naturally.

What about you?  Have you ever experienced any of the above? Are there other tricks to which you’ve fallen victim or, er… subject?

9 (Tiny) Dating Tricks That Have A Big Payoff

1. When you need someone to open up about something, have them drive you somewhere.

People are at ease behind the wheel because they are in charge of their surroundings. Their attention is also primarily on the road and secondarily on the conversation you’re having, so if you catch them off guard they’ll feel both comfortable and surprised enough to give you an honest answer. Also, sitting side by side with someone during a difficult conversation is less intimidating than staring each other in the eyes.

2. When you want to establish a connection with someone, ask them about their family.

Inevitably they will say something sad at which point you can rub their arm and say “that must be hard for you.” Okay, I stole this trick from Friends, but it totally works. Well, one time the guy started crying, but all the other times it has led to great conversations.

3. If they have not responded to your last two texts, there is no circumstance in which you need to text them again.

Whatever you’re thinking of right now is not an exception. Put down your phone.

4. Compliment people as often as possible.

It’s especially important to tell the person you are dating why you like them–as opposed to needing/liking any man/woman as long as you are in a relationship. Too many people are desperate to “settle down” and they lose track of finding the right person, when your values should be the other way around. No one will be excited to be in a relationship because they are a warm body with the right kind of genitals that happened to be around. Feeling good about yourself helps bring excitement into the relationship.

5. Likewise, compliment yourself.

You don’t need to do this out loud, just know why you are someone that people want to date. When you view yourself as a valuable commodity, other people will adopt this view as well.

6. Tell a vulnerable story.

Talk about something close to your heart, that you are passionate about. It is nearly impossible not to find someone expressing their passion about a subject endearing. Passion is one of those rare things that is universally attractive.

7. If you are an avid Facebook/Twitter user, consider dating someone who isn’t.

Facebook = relationship microwave.

8. Read.

The best way to be a person no one gets bored of is not to be boring. Read books. Learn new things, develop new opinions, have meaningful things to talk about that change from month to month. Don’t be the same person you were last year.

9. Choose wisely.

There are so many people to choose from, SO many. Do not ignore red flags at the beginning of a relationship because you develop a crush. Bounce while you still have the ability, it will only get more difficult the longer you date and you’re wasting your prime years on something you know from the beginning will not work.

The Pros and Cons of Dating a Married Woman

Why are you going to visit dating sites for a married woman? What are you looking for? Why would a mandate a married woman? For some people the answer is, in fact, obvious: they want just to get pleasure! There are men who are interested in dating married women, and you might be one of them. These guys do not want to get her away from the family, they are just attracted by inaccessibility and a big desire to eat a forbidden fruit.

Sometimes, it is such a strong attraction when a gorgeous girl appears on the horizon that not everyone can resist it, even if she is married and you have never dreamt about dating married women. Besides, some girls think that they lose attractiveness for other men with a ring on their finger, however, often, the situation is the opposite.

A Woman of Another Man

It doesn't matter whether she is the wife of a good friend, an occasional acquaintance or a colleague, some men cannot help being involved in dating a married woman. The idea of loving a married woman fills such people with a perverted sense of accomplishment and personal triumph.

The theme of adultery is already threadbare. However, it does not become less relevant due to that. Cheating was, is and will be, and you can't get away from it. You can talk as much as you like that this is the essence of human nature, and try to teach the spouses to treat the fact of cheating calmly. It is necessary to say that, nowadays, there are many couples who do that. They tell each other about their love affairs, consult and even look for a suitable partner for their partner. Such a husband and wife consider themselves to be free and advanced people. Probably, it’s true. Nevertheless, the majority of families don’t welcome such an "advanced level." That is, open love affairs with other partners are not welcomed. However, many men are involved in dating a married woman. Anyway, women's cheating has its own specificity.

She has a marriage of convenience

This beauty, most likely, has an arranged marriage, and it is not necessarily with a rich man, sometimes they get married to hard-working guys who have a promising future. She wants warmth and affection. She may be quite mature, and, at the same time, she can be a luxurious beauty, although, perhaps, her body cannot be called ideal. She will try to attract anyone who draws even a semblance of attention to her because she urgently needs emotional warmth, and she will take it at any cost. Maybe, she makes you even fall in love with her, but this lady will leave you as soon as she gets tired in order to find someone else. If you are going to date a married woman, think about possible consequences in advance.

She is looking for a thrill

She is either a bored housewife who has married without any life experience, or a woman who works quite a lot, and her husband doesn’t excite her. Instead of taking a vacation or having a hobby, this lady is looking for a younger boy on the side. Unfortunately, she has a significant drawback. If the first type of married women is proactive, then this lady, on the contrary, will wait for your actions in everything. Sometimes, she can even leave the family for a short time, but then she comes back. Remember that she is married, and she is seeking for a thrill, dating other men.

She is a young wife

This girl has just got married. Her husband was probably her very first man, and this naive girl has recently found out that there are also other men. http://zipansion.com/Ds3BShe loves her husband, at least she is insanely submissive to him, but this is all due to the fact that she has a decent lack of experience in amorous affairs. One talk, one bottle of wine and an easy conviction that sex can be different, and this obedient girl is already in your bed. However, now you should convince her that everything should remain a secret.

She is a lonely and neglected wife

You can meet such women quite often. She invested her whole life in the marriage, she did everything for her husband and children. She was once pretty, but she began to watch her appearance less. She is tired of her husband because he has his own life, they live together just because "marriage is a sacred thing." No one loves her, and such a situation depresses her terribly. In a good way, it would be logical to get divorced, but she will never take such a step because this step is frighteningly serious. Instead of that, she is seeking for love on the side, and she tries to make her lover be her new husband without divorce, of course. Usually, such men do not want a serious relationship, seeing a married woman, and surely, they don’t dream about dating a married woman with kids. Anyway, her new marriage is also doomed to failure.

Pros and Cons: Should You Date a Married Woman?

Relationships in which at least one partner is married is always a challenge. Is there a guide to dating a married woman? What will you get in the end: more love or problems? Why are such relationships popular now?

It’s true that such relationships are quite popular in the modern world. Usually, men want to change the situation, they are not satisfied with sex, they have a midlife crisis, or they want to feel desirable, and they are not monogamous by their nature. Therefore, they may look for tips to dating a married woman.

The Main Advantages

You don’t need to proposу. The first and, probably, one of the most cherished benefits is the lack of commitment to marry. As a rule, the basis for this relationship is not a high sense of love, so the woman will not demand the creation of a marriage union, she has it already.

You will have a diverse sexual life. Firstly, married women have more profound knowledge in the intimate sphere, and secondly, any woman always seeks to surprise and please her lover, which means that each of your meetings will be like the last one: bright, violent, thrilling and unforgettable. Besides, you can satisfy your bold intimate fantasies and try sex in unusual places, role-playing games or sex toys.

She doesn't hover. Conspiracy in these relationships is the main thing, and therefore, she will not pursue her lover. That means that you live the life you want, you do not need to change anything, and you act as you want without fear of claims from her side. She is unlikely to talk to everyone about her “little secret” because she is also afraid of being publicized. Hence, she will try to do everything to make the relationship remain secret. This is already a significant plus.

She doesn’t want to get married. Another positive side of such a love affair is that a married woman does not demand to marry her. Sometimes, of course, it happens, and they demand, but they do that much less often than unmarried women.

She is less demanding. How to date a married woman? In some cases, it is quite easy. It doesn’t matter whether you give her flowers or not, whether you present her a gift for a birthday or not, you can even not congratulate her at all, and it is all right! Even special excuses are not necessary because you just don’t want to raise suspicions of her husband, that's all. In addition, you show yourself as a sensitive and delicate man. You do not call her often for the same reason. The great thing is that she will not make calls without any reason as well.

You have fewer chances to have a venereal disease. The risk of getting such a disease is minimized in a relationship with a married woman. She will not change partners three times a week, and will not have sex with the first comer. Firstly, she doesn’t have time, secondly, it is dangerous. After all, she has a husband.

You can easily break up. This relationship is built on mutual oaths and promises, you will have nothing to share, so you will need to have one conversation to break up forever. The main thing that you should remember is that you need to do that with a sense of dignity and tact, remaining a man and a person. If you know about some features that will not allow you to break up peacefully, then don’t ask yourself, “Should I date a married woman?” and better look for someone else.

The Main Drawbacks

Possible exposure. You should remember about that. Not every husband will calmly and adequately perceive information that his wife is cheating. In most cases, he wants passionately to deal with the person who has seduced his wife, and not only with words but also with active physical actions. So, either learn a self-defense or how to run fast.

Constant conspiracy. You get tired of it pretty quickly. And if it causes pleasant excitement at first, then it will grow into irritability and discontent.

You are not the only one who has sex with her. It's hard and very unpleasant, especially in cases where a woman is really dear and pleasant to you. Each your meeting and a woman’s leaving home will hurt you painfully.

Problems in creating your own family. If a man wants to have a full-fledged family, then this option will not work. You are wasting time. Some men have similar relationships for years, and they get used to that so much that they are not able to create their own families. To wait when your beloved one will leave her husband is also not the best prospect. Studies have shown that only 7% of women decide to give up their usual life.

Consequences. Besides a showdown with her husband, you can become the epicenter of all subsequent problems for a woman: for example, social retaliation, hysterics on the part of children, concern to parents on both sides. All that can bring a lot of unpleasant moments and worries.

Obsessive mistress. Nobody is immune from the fact that his married mistress will not turn into Fury who will want to break up with her husband and legitimize her relationship with the new lover.

It's not the happy end. It happens that a woman leaves the family for a lover, but, unfortunately, this does not bring happiness. Moreover, disappointment comes. As a result, everyone loses: the woman has burned all the bridges, and it doesn’t work out with the new man. The person responsible for the breakup of her past family feels not the best way, at the same time, it turns out that the lives of at least three people are ruined.

What about an ethical aspect?

Such a relationship is illegal from the moral point of view. If you are free and have sex with anyone, then it's normal, but you should still pay attention to the "occupied" girls who are really the other men's women. To have a relationship with a married woman is an indicator of a total disrespect for the man, and inability to keep yourself within some limits. Among other things, you destroy other people's lives and the marriage of two people. Of course, if she is cheating, then everything is not so good as it may seem. However, all the same, the best way to keep a good relationship is not when two people know nothing about the fact of cheating, and when there is no cheating at all. In any case, someone will tell about it sooner or later, the cat's out of the bag.