Boyfriend wants to keep our relationship secret

 REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Dear Gase,

I have been dating this guy for seven months now. We go to the same church and he is one of the workers there.

The problem is that every time I tell him either in person or via text message that I love him, he just responds by saying, ”I love you too but I don’t want to give you high hopes because of our pastor…what if he says we don’t belong together?”

Also, my boyfriend doesn’t want people to know that we are seeing each other – he wants it to be a secret. I really don’t know what to do – whether let him go or get him to make a commitment.

Please can you help me?

Gase says…

Why should his feelings for you depend on what the pastor thinks, and how is the pastor going to give his opinion about your relationship when your boyfriend insists on you two dating in secret? These are questions that he needs to answer, so ask him!

There are ‘playas’ in the church too – this guy could be hiding something. For all you know he could be in a relationship with someone else, or even married, and just using you as a side dish. He could also be a serial dater, toying with your feelings until he decides to dump you to pursue his next prey.

On the other hand, if the pastor in your church is the one who decides whether or not couples belong together,it’s possible that he really does love you back but is anxious and doesn’t quite know how to handle things in case the pastor disapproves of your relationship.Whatever the case may be, it’s time for the two of you to do a number of things that will help you decide on your next step.

Number one on the list is that you should sit him down and discuss the direction you want this relationship to go.Tell him your expectations and get him to tell you what his true intentions are, but don’t pressure him. Believe me, no man dreams about spending forever with a woman who pressures him.
But if he doesn’t love you and is just out to have a good time, then there should be no room for such a relationship in the church(and certainly not in your life), because it’ll mean that he’s been lying to you.

Most churches preach no sex before marriage – some churches have what is called ‘courtship’, where the church elders give guidance and counseling to ‘dating’ couples planning to ultimately get married.

If this so then suggests that it’s time you two came out in the open. Seven months is a long time to be sneaking around for no apparent reason. Of course, your boyfriend may feel that your friendship is no one else’s business, but there is a difference between a private relationship and a secret one. Just how healthy can a relationship be if the couple spends more time hiding their love than actually nurturing it?

Do not allow him to use the pastor as an excuse to keep your relationship in the closet. If he truly loves you he will overcome his ‘fears’ and let those closest to the two of you, including the pastor, know about your relationship.

If your boyfriend still insists on dating secretly then he probably doesn’t love you and it’s possible he could be ashamed of being seen with you or associated with you romantically. That will certainly not be a nice place for you to be and the sensible thing to do would be to walk away and find yourself a good man who loves you enough to show you off to the whole world.

Why Keep A Relationship Secret?

When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning.  I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.

The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:

• How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
• When are you going to make time for each other?
• Falling hard for someone really quickly

Let’s Start off with Amy who asks the first question:

I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us have told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not.

Why does my boyfriend feel the need to keep our relationship a secret?  Should I be worried?

Anytime there is secrecy involved in a relationship, there’s a cause for worry.

DAWSON: Some people like to keep a relationship private when they’re not sure where it’s going. Still others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I’m not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.

Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.

Secrecy in Relationships is Cause for Concern

Anytime there is secrecy involved in a relationship there’s a cause for worry. Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love…not secrecy. If I were you, I would tell him how much you’re enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship, and see how he reacts.

On the other hand, maybe it’s okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately “define” your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship, before they are really sure what it is.

Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he’ll want the world to know.

Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:

What should you do when you fall hard for someone and in a really short time?

What you’re dealing with is a lot of fantasy and not a lot of reality.

DAWSON: What you’re experiencing happens to a lot of people. It’s called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.

There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can’t build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don’t know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you, because you’re dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.

You’re most likely living off of the thoughts about “how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me” and the emotional high when he begins to show signs he really cares for you.

Over time, you’ll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is.

While it’s difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It’s a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend, and let him get to know you.

In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because, over time, you’ll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.

Download this free eBook from TheHopeLine® to learn more about healthy principles of dating.

Why Does He Want to Keep Our Relationship A Secret?

Hey Rachel, First of all let me apologize if I do some grammar mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. ... :D So here's my problem. There's this guy, who I met this semester at college, and we became friends...

Hey Rachel, First of all let me apologize if I do some grammar mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. ... :D So here’s my problem. There’s this guy, who I met this semester at college, and we became friends...Hey Rachel,

First of all let me apologize if I do some grammar mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. ... :D

So here’s my problem. There’s this guy, who I met this semester at college, and we became friends quite fast, and like a month after we met we started to flirt with each other and after all that flirting we kissed. We kept it a secret from our friends.

Our friendship was exactly the same, we didn’t have awkward moments and stuff, but ever since we met and we’re together with some other people, they start making comments like "you two stop touching each other, or things like, okay let’s leave these 2 alone" We just laugh at those.

One day we were at the car waiting for his friend to finish his class, and we were talking about life, and again, we kissed, just kissing, not making out, until my friend arrived. Then the 3 of us when to the movies, and he held my hand the whole movie.

One day he kissed his ex and I completely thought they were getting back together, but that didn’t happen. We talked about this, and he said he did not want to ruin our friendship, that he likes to hang out but, we are like recent friends and stuff, and he was confused, and he did not know what to do. I told him that was a dumb way to escape things. He told me he really wanted to figure out things but he didn’t want to change the way we get along.

We still flirt the whole time, and well I don’t know what to do, he’s very sweet to me. Of course I date and flirt with other guys while he figures things out. But I need a little help to know, I’m really confused about everything, like some people say one thing and others say something completely different.

C, 19.

Dear C.,

I’m sure this guy is everything you say he is: sweet, flirty, a good friend (and hey, maybe even a good kisser). But he is not boyfriend material. How do I know this?

1. HE KEEPS YOUR RELATIONSHIP A SECRET. In a healthy relationship, there is no reason to hide. When you keep something secret, it usually means you are afraid of someone finding out, or are embarrassed or ashamed about it, or both. This can make YOU feel like you are unworthy of being his public girlfriend. Ask yourself why he would want to keep this a secret. If your best friend were in a relationship like this, what would you advise her to do?
2. HE ONLY HOOKS UP WITH YOU WHEN HE WANTS TO. Sounds to me like you mostly just react to him. You kiss him back when he’s ready to kiss. But do you get to lean over when you want to? Or grab his hand when you feel like it? In a healthy relationship, you don’t wait for someone to touch you all the time. You get to act on your own desire, as you feel it (I mean, not in the grocery store or anything, although I guess there are some people who can’t help themselves).
3. HE KEEPS THE RELATIONSHIP ON HIS TERMS. In a healthy relationship, you communicate about what you want and need from each other. Right now, he’s basically telling you he’s happy with the way things are, and too bad for you if you’re not okay with that.

C., the writing is on the wall. This guy is a hookup, nothing more. If you’re looking for love, you’re going to keep getting hurt. You don’t deserve to be hidden or denied. Take your fabulousness to a guy who’ll let you jump him in the grocery store. Or wherever.

Tips For A Successful High School Relationship

http://zipansion.com/DlFr

It seems as though every teenager in today’s age is always looking for love. As a senior in a public high school, and as a person that has spent almost 12 years of my life in the public school system, I can confidently make that statement. Not everyone is looking, but 99 percent of kids are.

It has always made me wonder, “Why is everyone in need of a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and “Why can’t more people just be happy without having to have someone else?” The second one especially, because I have never seen a faithful relationship in high school last more than a year.

Young relationships always are so great in the beginning, but it always seems to end up with a lot of fighting and bickering. Why spend all of that time fighting with someone, when you can be productive doing something and being happy? It befuddles me, and I see it time and time again.

However, because we are young we are always going to be on the look-out for someone of the opposite sex that makes us happy. Someone that can make us laugh and smile, and someone that we can make memories with. It shouldn’t have to end with fighting and bickering, so here are some helpful tips for making a successful relationship.

First, it is key to find someone whose maturity is on the same level as yours. If you are a quiet and shy person it probably isn’t going to work out dating the loud, class clown. The same goes for someone who likes to think about their future. If the only thing you care about is what you’re going to be doing on Friday night, dating someone who is worried about their life past high school just isn’t going to work.

Second, you have to have someone whose interests are the same as yours. This basically goes without saying, but I have seen many times where people do not follow this one. If you’re a girl who plays in the orchestra and is in the drama club, dating the quarterback and star pitcher on the baseball team probably isn’t going to mesh real well.

As we are maturing and beginning to become more round people, we think that we can overlook the interests that don’t line up, and focus on the ones that do. But, you’re still a teenager and you have the amount of wisdom of a teenager. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

Third, do not let your relationship play out on social media. We live in a society where there is Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, among many others. Posting pictures and statues every now and then is okay, but constantly bombarding your followers and friends with your relationship isn’t going to make them happy, and can easily lead to an argument with your boyfriend/girlfriend or possibly a breakup. Keep social media out of your relationship.

Fourth, you each need to learn how to compromise. This isn’t a quality that comes easy with being young. We want what we want for the reasons that we want it, and normally if we don’t get it, we aren’t going to be too happy. Not having compromise normally leads to arguments, and at our age, arguments lead to breakups. Find some middle ground and be happy that your significant other is happy.

Fifth, you need to learn to pick and choose your battles. All the time, things happen in life that will frustrate and upset us, but sometimes you really have to stop and think if it’s really worth getting upset about or making a big deal over. You need to think before you act. If you don’t, you’ll normally find yourself beating yourself up because you wish you would have thought before you acted. Keep calm and think everything through.

Sixth, do not let temptation get to you. There is an old adage that goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” It hasn’t let me down yet. Don’t cheat on someone, period. If you do, you will end up with a bad rap, and no one else with any self-respect will want to date you. If you believe you will ever be tempted to cheat, just stay away from relationships.

These are just some of the thing you must do in order to have a healthy high school relationship. Young relationships are always fun when you’re young, but they are often building the foundation of your abilities to handle situations later in life, especially when you’re ready to settle down and find a spouse. Learn while you’re young, so you’re not questioning yourself 20 years down the road as to why no relationship of yours works out.

5 crucial ways to keep the heat in your long-distance relationship

Ever find yourself wishing you could wake up next to your loved one, only to be hit by the reality that you’re thousands of miles apart?

Ever find yourself wishing you could wake up next to your loved one, only to be hit by the reality that you’re thousands of miles apart? Long distance relationships are difficult, but they’re not impossible to maintain. Someone once said, “Missing someone gets easier every day, because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.” I wonder if that someone ever experienced a long distance relationship.

There are thousands of ways people maintain a healthy, intimate relationship when they live in different places, but here are some of the most common, yet effective methods:

1. Make it a point to tell them how you feel

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While some find it hard to express how they feel, communication is key to keeping intimacy alive in a long distance relationship. If you can’t become vulnerable with your words, through phone or video-chat, it becomes difficult to connect with your significant other. The ideal situation would be to communicate face-to-face, but you should challenge yourself to express how you feel to your loved one daily, in order to keep the lines of communication open.

2. Things don’t have to take place only at one time in the day

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Sending pictures throughout the day of what you’re wearing, a post–gym selfie, or Snapchats of what you’re doing,will help your partner become a  part of your day. It never hurts to send a picture of yourself looking sexy either, as a way of keeping things exciting. 

(As always, be careful of who you are sending it too, and what the content of the image includes.)

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3. Duh – talk dirty

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If you can keep your partner interested and aroused by the words you use, you’re more likely to spice things up the next time you see each other. Keep it classy, but keep them wanting more.

4. Plan frequent trips, so you can always have something to look forward to

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It’s proven that if you have something to look forward too, you’re more likely to be motivated to make it through the day. Knowing that you get to see your loved one in a few weeks, days, even months will make it easier to get through the separation than when you don’t have a trip planned. 

Take turns visiting each other, and make it a point to have trips lined up.

5. Always make time to send little reminders

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Send each other little gifts to remind the other person that you’re thinking of them. Think outside of the box and consider what would be special for your significant other. Some unique gift ideas could include books, movies, pieces of arts, or trinkets to place around their home.

There are many ways to keep a long-distance relationship hot, so hopefully, these tips will give you ideas that work for you and your relationship. Believe it or not, long-distance relationships can make a relationship stronger, because youbuild on communication, trust, and empathy towards your loved one.